Hey, mom,
I just wanted to say I miss you.
I never thought that those words would come out of my mouth. Thinking back to all the times I stormed to my room because you wouldn't let me do something or that one time you let my brother get away with calling me names, I can't believe I'm saying this. But yeah, I miss you more than you could ever know.
Remember all those times I said I would never call you at college because I was mad? Remember when I told you that I hated you?
I'm so sorry.
You are the other half of me. You make me laugh like none other and you are always there to give me the advice I need. When I call you crying, I can image you thinking, "oh no, here we go again." But you help me through my tears and sobs anyway. You are strong and kind, thrifty and head strong. You are everything I hope to be. I guess that explains why I DO call you everyday.
I wish it hadn't taken me so long to realize what a remarkable woman you are. But college has made me see that being apart from you is the best thing that has come out of this experience. Yes, I miss you. Now, I realize that you worked so hard everyday and you made my childhood the best that it could be. From six hours away, I'm finally able to see the great mother you are so much clearly now. Ironic, I know. I miss shopping through the supermarket isles with you. I miss your ranting phone calls in the middle of the day about how disgusting my room is. I miss your obsession with holidays and the fact that you never pass up an opportunity to go to a museum. I miss you not being there to ask me if I really need what I am about to buy. I miss your beaming smile in the front row of every production I've ever been in. I miss the smell of your house when it's fall. I miss your "suck it up" speech when I came home complaining about boys. I miss you.
But I don't need you.
I wish I was still young enough to need all the counseling you gave. Unfortunately, I've grown up and have new issues that need dealing with that I can only work out on my own. I know that I can't blame you anymore for my mistakes. And when I need to say "no," I can't have you do it for me anymore. I now need to set up my own doctor's appointments. I don't need your cooking anymore. Growing up means you don't need your mom anymore.
Now, I just want to be you.
I want to have your drive and intelligence. I want my life to be something you are proud of. Just because I don't need you anymore doesn't mean I don't miss you. It means I miss you more. You are no longer a mother of a teenage daughter struggling through heartbreaks. You are now a mother of a woman who is desperately trying to find her path. Your role is so different now. Instead of being a guider, you, now, are a watcher. Sometimes I wish I could just tie a rope around my waist and hand you the end so you could lead me in the right direction. But I'm grown up, mom.
You did your job. Congratulations! You worked hard and then you let go. Thank you for the lessons, the tears, and the laughs. My life in your home was epic. Thank you for letting me hurt through this college experience alone. Thank you for listening, but at a distance. It's helped me grow and become more faithful to The Lord and myself.
You have realized that I don't need the "teenage girl" mom anymore. You have become a "college woman" mom. And you are doing a beautiful job. Thank you.
Oh, and I miss you.
